There are things I want to write about but I haven't quite got them straight in my head yet.
But it's bubbling around. Perhaps I'll try.
Looking back over the last year - I see how many hard things there were to deal with and how the dealing with them brought me closer and closer to finding my centre, to feeling anchored.
What won't kill you will make you strong!
- Trying to cope with the three dogs here in our town house
- Increasingly ferocious attacks by Duna on Bonnie.
- Injuring first my left hand in the van door and then my right hand when I dislocated a finger
- Preparing my new treatment room only to spend two or three months unable to use my hands
- Constant and exhausting problems with the Resident Adolescent
- Changing our home life when the above came to stay permanently after his mother left.
- Blue's death
- Battling with Catalan at the same time as needing to speak English - just for comfort!
- The death of my brother
However the deep lows led me directly to a path which I am still walking.
I started to meditate. I began to go to the gym and get running. I read blogs which inspired me like The Wild Elephant Project. I listened to Caroline Myss and began to explore her ideas around Sacred Contracts. Slowly and little by little I began to feel my energy changing. I started the year creeping down the streets of Granollers, leaking energy like an old hose pipe and cringing whenever someone gave me a disdainful stare. Today I noticed how bouncy were my steps along that same road. The stares still happen but somehow I don't get knocked sideways by them.
Two things help me a lot
- When I don't know how to react to something or someone - I send out Love.
- When I still don't know what to do - I try to be Present in the moment.
Pacts and Promises and Vows
I have made some promises to myself and am amazed how powerful it is to build this trust with yourself. I started with the decision to stop drinking CocaCola. I also stopped shopping in Tescos. Three months ago it seemed fairly easy to give up smoking and this time it feels like forever.
At the beginning of 2013 I stopped eating meat again and renewed my promise to support animals and be vegetarian. Today I made a pact with myself to eat no wheat for 24 hours - it is a hard one for me so I find it better to take it one day at a time!
I think that the more I gain my own trust, the easier it gets to keep to my promises.
Lastly, but definitely not leastly, I have started the Kitchen Sink Challenge. My dear friend Tiffany put me onto this (and many other wonderful and motivational things) For one month you promise to keep your kitchen sink clean. You are creating a new habit that you want to stick to. That's all - just clean the sink and watch your life change. I know it sounds crazy but somehow it brings order into chaos and sows a seed of change.
That's it for now. I haven't even got onto telling you about Swing - that must keep for next time!