31 May 2012

Mainly Blue

I read a mindfulness website called Life Unity and on Monday, as always, they announced the task for the week.
It was called Notice Blue.  The suggestion is to be aware of Blue for seven days, the colour mainly but perhaps also the mood, the music, the dog
I added this to my list of serendipitous things which have been around me recently
Blue and Bonnie and I came a week ago to this beautiful country cottage near Figueres
We were refugees from the city life we were finding so hard to handle in Granollers.
We wanted peace, gentle walks, time to rest and tune into ourselves without cars and noise and concrete and an angry and jealous Duna.
We found somewhere perfect to do all this and more.
Somewhere perfect for Blue to spend the last days of her life
She had a strange fall before we left town.  I wondered it it was a fit or a stroke. Afterwards she was normal and we made the journey but some instinct told me she was moving into a new phase.

Here is Sant Nicolau. This beautiful place has his name and his sanctuary at the end of the drive. Remember he is the saint of present giving, of helping children.
 As we arrived I had a feeling of coming home, of finding my place, of all the cells of my body saying "YES YES YES'
It is green and wooded, set on a plane with mountains in the distance
Birds are everywhere. Day and night there is always someone singing.
Every single night the nightingale calls to her friends...... every night!
I found this nestled in the fruit bowl
Blue must have relaxed too. She fell over more and more. Wobbly legs would take her outside into the little garden and then give way leaving her stranded.
She looked tired. Slept for hours. Seemed more detached from me and from the world. At other times she was alert as normal. Especially if there was a piece of ham being offered.....
The day before she died she came down the open field with Bonnie and me. We had a football and Blue suddenly wanted to play. I rolled it past her, she jumped on top, I kicked it away and she chased it a few steps. On and on and on. Then she stopped. Fell over. Got up again and turned for home. That was her last game and it was a good one.
Next day I decided to call the vet. The decision is always 'When?'  I spoke to friends and read lots of accounts on the internet, feeling more and more sure that I didn't want to wait till she was unable to move or suffering badly.
The wonderful owners of Sant Nicolau helped me in every possible way, accompanying us through the last hour, offering a place for Blue to rest, digging the grave and sharing a ceremony of goodbye.
It was all peaceful, the vet came in the afternoon and confirmed that it was for the best. Blue was calm and almost dreamy and not at all nervous.  It was over in moments and with no fear or pain.
She is now down here at the bottom of the field, just to the right of the little white building on the left.
Bonnie and I will stay here for a few more days. We don't know what the future holds as we still have the problem of Duna's jealous rages at home. But for now we are able to listen to the birds, read books from the house collection, swim in the pool and visit Blue where she lies at the bottom of the open field, under the apple trees.
Bye Bye Blue - you good dog you!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I found this sort of heartening though of course it is sad to lose a loved companion, but it all feels so right, what you have done and how you have done it with her. Courageous too to go deep into the transition like this, with so much honouring of Blue. It's inspiring Kate, I hope you are ok, as ok as you can be
Sending you love and thoughts, Diana

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

I adore the shot of you and Blue cuddled up. I can't help but think that your decision to take your girls and go away for a bit was deeply guided by all kinds of beings. How exquisite that it all happened as it did. As painful and horrible in its own way, Blue's transition was very personal for you and Bonnie. Whatever else is going on in your life on other levels, you had such an amazing experience together - you and Blue. I also follow Life Unity and it never occurred to me when I read this week's missive about noticing blue. I sat with an out of town friend on Tuesday morning noticing the blue in her scarf and I took notice of bits of blue trash here and there. It was only in your words that "noticing blue" became so poignant. My heart feels plucked with what you are living, it being only just short of two years when I lived a similar experience saying good bye to my old girl. And, like you, I had a few new and unexpected people appear at those last moments to ease our shared journey and hold us in sacred space while it flowed. Know that I hold you, Kate and Bonnie in sacred space in my heart, to now learn to live in spirit with Blue and on earth with each other. It's only love, love, love.

Pie said...

Lovely to read this and see the photos of you and Blue. Love that one of you two on the couch. Alexander & I are talking about her every day. Wish I could be there with you. xxx

Between life's doings said...

This is so beautiful and touching. I was so moved by your words about her last play. It was such a beautiful way to spend her last few days-in the woods, with nature, doing the most natural thing for us all, in the best way possible. Thank you for sharing this tender piece and making my heart tender like yours must be now. Love-Aarathi.

oreneta said...

Oh I'm in tears.

Hugs, glad you are somewhere so peaceful and lovely.

Hugs and hugs and hugs and some treats for Bonnie.

O

Tiffany Jones said...

Beautifully written and shared Kate. I'll give you a big hug soon. Much love,

Pepsi said...

I was very sad,
when you said me that.
But Blue is well,
with the nightingale!
You are a brave woman Kate.
Love

Jill Marie said...

so much love to you :) I love that Blue was able to enjoy a game before he left this plane.

With Heart,

Jill Marie

New Life in Spain said...

I got goosebumps reading this. Everything, from "Notice Blue" at Life Unity, to the trip, the tranquilidad at Sant Nicolau, the playing, how Blue's life ended. I can't imagine how you must feel, but still it seems she went in a peaceful way. *Thinking about you*