30 May 2012

The Day After

 I can't write about Blue yet - I'm not ready.
She died yesterday and now Bonnie and I are here alone, continuing the adventure.
Here is her song - she heard it all her life from when we first learned it 15 years ago, through times when she needed to be lulled to sleep, until yesterday when I sang it to her while we waited for the vet to come.
In this version the words are a little different but it is good.  Sung by The Byrds.

I will write about her soon - perhaps tomorrow. But today I thought I'd tell you what we did, Bonnie and I, on the day after we lost our old friend.
We set off quite late, feeling strange as it was the first time on this trip we could go and explore without worrying about getting back to the house quickly.
I want to explore the region while we are here - perhaps it is a place I want to live!
So we went up to Llança which is almost in France and is a town which I heard is popular with immigrants from the UK. Not that this makes it more tempting but I thought perhaps it would be interesting.
It was incredibly hot by the time we arrived and we definitely couldn't do any exploring. We just needed to find shade and a drink and a toilet.
I went against all expert tourist instincts and found a place that was totally empty.
No one else at all was eating there. Perfect! I could leave Bonnie alone while I went inside.
I am normally vegetarian but I decided to have the 9 euro menu which started with spaghetti

and was followed by steak and chips

It seemed the best option for sharing with a confused and nervous dog

It was delicious I have to say!  Sometimes I 'crave' meat these days - strange after all these years.

It was beautiful in Llança although perhaps a bit too yachty for me to live there. I liked this sculpture though, a tribute to all fishermen of the port.

I wanted a quiet swim so we drove further up the coast and stopped by the side of the road in a parking space.  I didn't notice all the broken glass until I got out of the van and so spent the rest of the journey worrying that a piece might have pierced a tyre.
I notice how anxious I am these days. People keep telling me how brave I am, how intrepid, how valente....but I really don't feel it. I think I have just learned to live with worry. Every day brings new opportunities to gird my loins and face something scary.

We both had a swim

It was still very hot and when I took these photos my mobile announced it was about to die so I decided it was better to set off for home. I actually don't know what to do if I broke down here and with no phone, today wasn't the day to find out.
We got home safely. I unexpectedly drove through Figueres centre which was something I also had been worried about before. Of course it was fine although I did get lost twice. When we hit the little lane down to Sant Nicolau I felt very relieved but pleased we had done something nice with the day.


Christine said...

What a lovely piece of contemplation, thank you for sharing your day with us. It must feel so strange for both of you, it was good to spend the day together.
I recognise what you say about worrying, although I have different worries, I expect. People often tell me that I am strong and doing so well, but fear and worry have had a big effect on my life for some time now. But I haven't given up and keep trying to find ways to make things better.
I think it's possible to be both, brave and scared. After all, if you don't feel any fear, it's not so difficult to be brave.
Sending you much love and sympathy xxx

pebbledash said...

Kate, I'm so sorry, sitting here in tears thinking of you all, but especially Blue. What a fabulous time she had with you in Spain - a last great adventure, which she really thrived on (and being with you all the time of course!). Go gently, sweet Blue.

Much love to you and Bonnie xxx

Country Girl said...

Oh my God, Kate.

What happened? You were renting a little cottage and Blue and Bonnie were both with you and that is the last I heard. Oh, you poor thing. So very sorry.


The Bodhi Chicklet said...

I am heartened to read you girded your loins yet another day and headed out to face life as it is now changed for your tribe. Such beauty in your photos. I am glad you and Bonnie were able to do some inner work on these walks. I, too, feel like I have been girding my loins and now I have words to put to the feeling! Thinking of you two alot.

oreneta said...

Bonnie. She must be feeling a little weird indeed. Chuck had some steak yesterday too, nothing like a little steak to settle a worried canine mind, at least for the moment. She must have been most delighted.
Glad you went off for a trip, the two of you. It is very hot suddenly. How is Bonnie handling the heat?

Huge hugs. take care.


Anonymous said...

Just to say quickly, I was here! Before hurtling into a day which includes getting Matt and Lau from Heathrow. Lots of love, sister P

Anonymous said...

Dear Kate, totally relate to your living with a worry thing :-) Supposed to be a healthy reaction to living in a foreign environment. I, too, feel the stress. But it only shows that you are functioning well, i.e. you are alert and alive. And brave, yes.
Sending you big hugs and kisses xxx Riina